One person's subjective list of the best webcomics

My cat elicits a similar response from me and others. From xkcd.com.

With the death of the newspaper -- for which the inevitable obituary will ironically and cruelly be broadcast through every available non-paper channel -- we're losing an important art form: the comics section. A piece of my childhood was nestled amongst the movie listings and crossword puzzles, from the lasagna-guzzling and Odie-hating Garfield to the neurotic and "ACK"-inducing Cathy to the Peanuts gang and Family Circus and even Doonesbury, which I totally didn't get at age 10.

As I got a little older, I gravitated toward a slightly more mature (but still juvenile) brand of humor. In junior high I had a weekly calendar composed of Far Side comics, which are beautiful in their simplicity, sometimes not even requiring a caption:


The history of American cartoons goes back to Ben Franklin, but the modern era began in the 1920's when The New Yorker was founded on the basis of the urban, New York-centric humor that filled its pages. New Yorker cartoons have become iconic -- die-hards enter the caption contest every week and dream of the day their caption is chosen -- and remain a large part of the identity of one of the world's most respected magazines.

The comic format is straightforward and endlessly replicable. In just a few frames (or just one), a joke, a one-liner, is executed in classic fashion: foundation, build-up, punchline. This form of comedy is so simple and yet often so badly executed (ex. the last many seasons of SNL). But done well, the humor can be subtle, outrageous, thought-provoking, uproarious -- the good stuff touches a nerve in some way. It taps into pop culture, or shared experience, or human nature. Comics are a succinct, expert rendering of short-form comedy.

Luckily for us, the comics don't have to go down with the newsprint ship. The Internet has swooped in to save frame-by-frame humor. Below are the webcomics that make me laugh and that I purport to keep up with on a semi-regular basis. Warning: I appreciate webcomic humor that incorporates wordplay, existential crises, rampant pop culture references and occasionally the voice of God.

xkcd - A classic, and the first webcomic I ever read. One day, while really, really, really bored in college, I went back and read every single one. (There are almost 900, and the first few are sparse save the suggestion that the author had some deep thoughts to work out on graph paper while sitting in class.) Published M/W/F and billed as "a webcomic of romance, sarcasm, math, and language," xkcd is particularly popular with the tech nerds who probably understand the 20% of the comics that go completely over my head. The other 80% is pure gold for everyone, though, especially if you're even the slightest bit geeky/bereft/pretentious about language/a pop culture junkie.


garfield minus garfield - For the particularly angst-ridden among us. Or those who enjoy the Garfield cartoons with Garfield erased, leaving a severely depressed and lonely Jon talking to himself in the suburbs. For some reason I find it funny, and if that makes me a bad person, then so be it. At least I'm not alone. This isn't one to be "kept up with" as much as checked out every once in awhile when you need reminding of how inconsequential your own problems really are.

Dinosaur Comics - Probably the most existential comic on the list, DC utilizes the same artwork every day, changing around only the dialogue. And it's bloody brilliant. It's published almost every weekday and usually deals with some sort of personal realization or crisis in the life of "27-year-old" T-Rex, with an occasional cameo from God (in bold print because, you know, he's God). Be sure to look for the Easter eggs in captions and RSS feed descriptors. (Hint: Look at my blogroll on the right!)


Hyperbole and a Half - With a completely different format than most webcomics - author Allie Brosh creates individual, crudely drawn frames interspersed with autobiographical text -- the humor of this one sometimes feels manic. In short, I like it alot.

Cowbirds in Love - The most recent addition to my webcomic repertoire, I'm not completely sold yet but some funny moments have kept me coming back, like this one. Not exactly laugh-out-loud, but still funny.

My knowledge of webcomics is minuscule compared to what's out there; I left out a number of notables that are amusing but not as much my style (Homestar Runner, Penny Arcade, etc.), so if you're still not satisfied, the good people over at Mashable and Cracked.com have a few more suggestions for you. Whatever your personal webcomic style, rejoice in the knowledge that we can all share in a form of writing that is as robust in the Internet age as it was when New Yorker founder Harold Ross and his jocular compatriots gathered around the Algonquin Round Table in the 1920's.

Other comics I should be reading? I can't promise anything -- my time is so valuable, after all -- but give me a shout in the comments.

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UPDATE, 12:15 pm: I just realized one of the primary reasons webcomics have a leg up on newspaper comics! No censorship.

The Practical Guide to Starting a Cult

I wrote this humor piece for a writing class this past spring. If I inspire just one of you to start your own cult, my life will be worthwhile. Enjoy.

The word “cult” is thrown around rather lightly these days -– Cult of Mac and so forth. Steve Jobs has it pretty good, and you can too: The key to the good life is positioning yourself as the leader of a hapless band of followers that can't think for themselves. (For the quick and easy route, see related article: “How to Usurp Leadership of the American Tea Party from Fox News.”) Wouldn’t it be great to have people fawn over you, love you, kill for you, and do pretty much whatever you say? Of course it would. Here's what you do:

Getting started:
- Choose a text on which to base your teachings. The Bible is an effective but overly ambitious and over-used choice; you may be better off going with something like the operation manual to your microwave. Memorize and meditate on the wisdom in your chosen text. Find phrases (“Read all instructions before use.” “Do not immerse cord in water.”) that can be used as chants later.
- Do your homework. Research other great cult leaders like Tony Robbins, Jesus, Oprah, and Lady Gaga.
- Establish a legitimate-looking front. Personal wellness centers, think tanks and consulting firms are good options, since no one actually understands what they do.
- Name your cult something catchy that is a combination of meaningful words, like “Scientology.”* Don’t forget to set up a Facebook group.
- Go out and find some primary followers. This is where charisma matters: Impress them with lofty-sounding language, scare them with prophesies of the future, and convince them that you are the only gateway to an eternal state of Utopia. It helps if you get them high first.
- Once your inner circle is complete, expand your membership. Target the obviously disgruntled; some people are just itching to leave normal society behind and adopt your way of life. (Other people are just itching. Avoid them.)

Now that you’ve got your cult up and running, find ways to slowly gain control over all aspects of your followers’ lives. Start small, and work your way up. Some ideas:
- Establish a unique look for your followers to adopt. An early-90’s hairstyle is a great place to start. Require all members to sport either a rat tail or feathered bangs. The truly devoted will reveal themselves by attempting both. Praise them.
- Require that everyone live together. Every respectable cult has a compound. The more creative and weird, the better; giant treehouses and dilapidated warehouses are good options. You’ll want something set apart from society, so your followers can’t contact the outside world. Confiscate cell phones, unless they're AT&T. They won't ever have a signal anyway.
- Castrate everyone. Trust me, it just makes things easier.
- Control what your followers eat. You may choose to feed them nothing but Fruit Roll-Ups and Sprite, and that’s fine. Have a weekly Tuesday treat of jelly beans, but only for those with no demerits.
- If you’re running low on jelly beans, award a lot of demerits.
- Keep them busy. Physical labor, croquet and Jersey Shore marathons have all proven effective methods for breaking spirits. As a last resort, force them to read the entire Twilight series in one sitting and write a fifty-page, fully sourced essay on how they identify with each of the characters. If that doesn’t destroy their faith in humanity, nothing will.

At some point you’ll need an exit strategy. Fleeing the country with your followers' worldly possessions (and bank account numbers) is a nice idea, but if you really want to do this right, you'll facilitate your devotees' passage to the next plane of existence. Kool-Aide is cliché; try to go out with a bang. Work in a ring of fire, those are really cool. Tell them you need to die last, to ensure everyone else is properly ushered to the far-off alien planet or wherever you're going. Then run like hell.

* Legal note: That cult name is already in use.

P.S. For an incredibly creepy but accurate video about how to start a cult, go here.